Monday, February 23, 2009

This and That

Well the weekend has come to an end..
the ground is covered with a fresh layer of snow
I knew it was Monday morning..
when at 8 am the snow plows and construction
behind my place started
I guess sleeping in
is just for the weekends
but at least it's not like on the big snow falls
when they dump all the snow from city parking lots
and dump it all behind my place
they start that at 3 am ish and go till 5 am ..
You hear
the sound of the trucks coming..
then beep..beep...beep (while they back up)
then you hear the snow dump
followed by two very loud bangs
when the dump truck finishes dumping
and the gate slams shut
So I much rather be up at 8 am
then be woke up
every 20 minutes
through the night
but hopefully that is over now
They are doing construction
now too but I am getting used to it
wish the dogs would
they bark at everything
I wonder how many times a morning
do people hear me yell shut up!

think I have to let go of a old friend
we have parted from contact before in the past
life always brings us back
it's complicated
and in many ways recently
I have felt such distance
accept when she had an emotional moment
she needed to talk through
I did my best to help guide her
maybe when the circumstance the holds us together
comes to and end..
which I am praying it has ..
cause its stressing me out
it will either take the stress off our friendship
or just place more space
either way I am ready for this circumstance to come to an end
It hurts me that she didn't see the blessing
or care enough about the blessing to make it a priority
I felt let down for a while
now I just feel she let herself down more
I hope she finds what she will see as her blessing
maybe I shouldn't worry about other people seeing their blessings
and just focus on my own
right now I feel such a distance
with a few that became very close
the drama of women friendships
just overwhelming the friendships
the drama is bigger
then the reason
we where put together
and I can't fix that
so I choose to just let it be
move forward
going within
holding on to those who
have been with me ..there for me
the healthy relationships of now
these once where
but now have become cluttered
with negative impressions
maybe we have fulfilled the needs we had
and time to move forward
all of us
maybe someday our paths will cross again
they have before..
so I let go with love ..honor ..and respect
and hope each of you know
how very much I hope for all of you to find your blessings
and to recognize them when they show in your lives
I have and will always honor our friendships
though the good and bad
I see the positive light within you all
and want to continue to do so
so I will not say good bye
I will just send you forward with my love and prayers
and if we find that on our path we meet again
I will be there to embrace you and your spirit
in appreciation that ..
God set our paths to meet again
and knowing he has a plan for all of us
and that there is a reason for all connections

I have so many things in need of my focus
and I like it that way for the most part
everything in life has a down side

I don't have the extra energy these days
to deal with the negatives

I can't give negative any focus
it cheats me ...
and those I love
from truly experiencing
the friendship or experience
staying in the positive
is my only way to deal with life ups and downs
negative gets me no ware ..
it just makes me feel even more alone more helpless
positive makes me feel hope even when its a glimmer
I know it's there.

only way to keep living and giving
is to stay positive
and have faith in yourself and your higher spirit.

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