Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tuesday with Grandma D

Tuesday started off as any other day
up to damn early
and had a ton of things to do
and it is raining and cold
today will grandma D's first visit to her new cardio doc
she also wanted to take her dog to the groomers
we where just there..
not even 4 weeks ago
but she insisted her dog needed it ..
I don't see it
anyway 10 am we are at the groomers
we can pick him back up at noonish
we get back to her place where..
she kinda expected me to sit and wait
I changed the plan and said
I would come back when the dog was done
she didn't seem pleased
maybe she was lonely
and I am sorry she is ..
but I had so many things I needed to do
for myself
so I drove back home
did a few load of laundry
it was noon before to long
I swear those two hours flew by
We pick up the dog and drop it off at home
and we are off to lunch
and then the new doctor
we stopped and had lunch
it was a nice visit
killed about an hour
the waitress sucked
took our order
dropped off our food
with the bill
and never returned
till we where getting our coats on to leave
then only to collect her tip
we left on the table
We leave
it is still raining and still freaking cold
we will be way early for the appointment
but oh well
we wait for an hour in the waiting room
she reads magazines
while I people watch
talking on and off about the food
in the metro restaurant guide she is thumbing through
she then picks up an OK magazine
gets to a picture of little Kim
says ohh little Kim she is gona be on that dancing with the stars
I say you know who little Kim is gram?
oh yes she says
I laugh
Your pretty hip grandma.. I tell her
the lady sitting behind us giggles too
We finally get into see the doctor
I am not pleased
the doctor is not the one I told her to see
why can't we make this easier
and see who I suggested
or why ask me for my opinion at all
This is what is making me crazy
I make suggestions
when asked mind you
and it's waisted breath
anyway we go through
all the basic questions
first off being what brings you here
I let her answer for herself
in my surprise
she says a nurse told her she has a heart condition
not that she had been passing out
nothing about passing out
he asked what tests was she running
that made her come to that conclusion
she says ..the nurse just felt I did
I could have screamed
no wonder these doctors are not taking her seriously
if she comes out with bull shit reasons
just tell them the truth
he follows up with a few more questions
she answers them
I speak up at this point
getting a not so nice look from grandma D
explain to him about the "spells"
how she has had multiple testing in recent weeks
he asks me what tests and where
I give him the information he requested
he suggests the tests she needed to start off with
just as I told her
her family practice doctor has been running everything but
I can see at this point her blood is boiling
she shakes her head
I wonder does she want some doctor
to walk into the room and take one look at her
and tell her exactly whats wrong with her
gosh wouldn't that be nice
but that's not reality
she needs to face reality
he tells her again
no driving till we get to the bottom of this
she says no way
I am going up north regardless
which she could I suppose
but now two doctors
have it charted
she was instructed no driving
I know this has to suck ..
I have compassion
I understand
but damn think about the consequences
as the doctor leaves the room
she goes off
I listened to every word she said
then said you know ..
the only thing in life that we can control is our attitude
I know its hard
but to get back on the road
you need to do these things
she knows I am right
she is just to far bull headed to admit it
now I know where D gets it lol
we leave the doctors
and I can feel the anger in her build
I tell her to go ahead
and vent
and she did
she tells me after her rant
that I don't understand
and she's is right
I don't understand completely
I couldn't possibly
but I been through this before
with my grandparents
with my parents
getting old sucks
I know that
I have compassion for her
I want to be a help her
but she needs to meet me half way
if she don't care about her health anymore
and doesn't want to go through all these tests
then don't
I am running my ass off
almost everyday
between her and my parents and grandpa
not to mention I do have a life of my own
I hope she finds a way to focus
on the positives in her life
and stop only focusing on the negative
and letting those negatives over rule her common sense
common sense says there is a problem
positive focus
on no matter what you have to give up right now
that they will find a reason
and possibly be able to fix it
maybe its a simple medication problem
who knows
you don't know till all the test they need are run
then with all the pieces of the puzzle they can hopefully give her..
the answer to whats wrong..
I repeat getting old sucks this I know
but it's life
you can't change it
all you can do is choose
how your gona deal with what comes your way

I feel sometimes like this is just to much
to take on
but I know I am at this place in my life for a reason
I know it's the right thing to do
and I know I do the right thing
not always
definitely not in my past
but I do now and thats what really matters
I know D's family needs my help
Just as mine needs D's help
life changed for us after my choice
to take care of my grandparents
7 years ago
and as hard as things have been from time to time
I am changed
and Thankful God put me on that journey
and I know he has me still on a journey
and all I can do is be respectful
be honest and caring
and do my best to help the people he placed in my life
I will be blessed by doing so

We got back to richmond
after 5 pm
we stopped at the grocery store
so she could grab a few things
by now she had calmed down
her energy was nicer to be next to anyway
I dropped her off at home
making sure she is settled before I leave
before I am out of the parking lot
I am getting my first smoke of the day
still having the half pack from now 2 days ago
I smoked it and enjoyed it
I only smoked 2 other smokes the rest of the night
from a pack a day
to 7 cigs in 2 days ..
hey I am kinda proud of me lol
when this pack is gone
I refuse ..I said REFUSE
to pay almost 7 bucks for another
I can not even excuse that away in my own mind
no excuses ..and I REFUSE!
Wednesday I am home most of the day
that will be when the real test starts
I plan on keeping myself busy
Wish me luck !

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