Wednesday, April 8, 2009

this and that

I am two weeks behind on updates
Its been a quiet week here for me
but the words just didn't flow
I have felt tired
not sleeping all that well
the dreams ..
when I am tired
it just seems I can't sit and think
let alone write my jumbled thoughts
To bring you up to date
grandma d is doing very well
with her new pace maker
she feels better then she has in years
just as I told her she would
Doctors gave her the green light
to drive again
so she is one happy lady
Last week I was suppose to take her for her check up
but my dad had an appointment on the same day ..
around the same time
they needed to run some tests
and I couldn't ..
wouldn't really
change his appointment again
I let k know about 5 days in advance
figuring this would give her the time she needed
to arrange to have the day off
or one of her sister's to have the day off
I have not heard from k since
the following day I took grandma d to her cancer doctor
we had a good day
talked ..had a nice lunch together
she was very excited that she could drive again
within the next couple days
after I dropped her off
I have not heard from her since
it seems to me
me saying no I can't
has done ticked them both off
I was hearing from the both
everyday
now nothing
not even a call to say hey
how is your dad
did the testing go well?
I can say I feel used
I thought a relationship with D's grandmother
was forming
but it appears to me now that
that relationship is based on what I can do for them
not what I thought
but not everyone
looks at family like I do
I understand that
maybe its because I can't have a family of my own
that I need to make the one given to me
the best it can be
but some people are just not built that way
I get it
but I am different
I don't know how at this point
to change and turn all this onto myself
worry about myself more
do only if there's something in for me
all I can do is accept
and do what I do
because it makes me feel good inside
As I said earlier
it's been a quiet week
been cleaning
been playing on face book
going for my walks again
Until winter revisited earlier this week
We are still doing a lot for mom and dad
but they are always there for me when I need them
they are truly one of the two
most healthy relationships
in my life
cause I work hardest at them
they are the people in my life
that are there for me
in good times
and bad times
when I was a selfish person
and stand behind me being who I am today
they are who makes me...
me.

anyway
Dad is doing ok
we have to go back next week
for them to run a few more tests
but he is doing good for someone with his condition
Grandpa ray
is about the same
very confused
it's so hard to see him that way
I visit
then I try to put it out of my mind
accept what is
and pray that he has some sort of inner peace

The sun is out this morning..
still snow on the ground
and its cold ...

I wish spring would spring back into Michigan



1 comment:

ModernMom said...

Wow! You have had your hands full. Don't forget to take care of you :)