Sunday, June 21, 2009

Noblesse Oblige Award

When I started writing here
I never thought anyone
would read it
between how I spend my days with my family
their health issues
how we deal with them
Like Past blog "Thoughts for today"
and my thoughts about my life
my past
my present
my hope
my faith
It is a outlet for me
a way to explain
my choices
my reasons
my experiences
shared in my past blog post "broken foundations"
my beliefs
shared in past blog "I believe in signs"
and in Past blog "just some thoughts"
I had hoped
people would read it
be able to relate to it
even if it was just one person
But most of all
I did it for me
and with every naked moment
past Blog "morning thoughts" where I talk about feeling "naked" emotionally
I grow
I understand myself more
to be able to put all the thoughts
running through my head
at any given moment
and some have inspired others
and that is really so wonderful

Recently I was given
the Noblesse Oblige Award

This award recognizes the following attributes:

1) The blogger manifests exemplary attitude, respecting the nuances that pervade amongst different cultures and beliefs.
2) The blog contents inspire; strives to encourage and offers solutions.
3) There is a clear purpose at the blog; one that fosters a better understanding on social, political, economic, the arts, culture, sciences and beliefs.
4)The blog is refreshing and creative.
5) The blogger promotes friendship and positive thinking.

and I am honored
and touched beyond belief
Linda passed the award on to me
I love Linda's blog
she is funny
and honest
Her blog is one that
I wait for every
Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
you can check it out here

Thank you Linda for the wonderful Award
I am touched
so much so that
I freaked myself out
writing this post
I have 4 different drafts
I have wrote through
the week
and none of them seemed right
today I am just sitting here
writing from my heart
Hoping it's good enough
gosh my insecurities lol
I need to work on that!
maybe blogging more
will help change that

Now I am to pass on this award
To accept this award you are required to do the following:

1) Create a post with a mention and link to the blogger who presented the Noblesse Oblige Award to you.
2) The award conditions must be displayed in the post.
3) Write a short article about what your blog has thus far achieved preferably citing one or more older post to support:
4) The blogger must present the Noblesse Oblige Award to blogs in concurrence with the award conditions.
5) The blogger must display the award at any location on their blog.

I have chosen Barbara(aka Layla)
and her Blog,
Barbara's Blog "Writing from the inside out ..because I have to.

Barbara writes on many subjects
has a few different blogs
Her blogs always find a way to make me
laugh and sometimes cry
but they always finds a way to inspire me
So I hope you accept this award Barbara you deserve it!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

thoughts about the sign

Last night
I couldn't wait to get home
download my pictures
from the day
on to my computer
specially the stop sign one
as I wrote
recalling everything that happen
up to the moment
I found the sign
Having this feeling
that this sign
has more meaning then I know yet
I do know that
Linda came up many times on my birthday
its funny cause we have never met
we only communicate through
our blogs
but on that drive
she came to mind
I shared things in her blog
things she says
the things that have cracked me up
things that made me wonder
things that have made me cry with her
I normally don't talk much
with D about things I read online
unless it touches me so much
that I just need to share it
and sharing with him always feels safe
even though he don't see things like I see them
if I explain how I see it
he then has a moment of seeing things I see
at first that was just a sign to him
that someone wrote some words on
but when you add it all up
the way I see it
everything leading to that moment
there was purpose for
I just don't have a complete understanding yet
but I feel I will

After I got finished writing the blog
posting it
tweaking it cause it was now after 1 am lol
I read it over ..and smile
I go searching friends blogs for new posts
and I go to Linda's first
and there I start reading
her latest post
she received an award
Her post
wrote June 13 on my birthday
as I read through
I am shocked to read my name
on her post
I had to stop and read it again
Maybe it was those two beers with dinner
but I couldn't believe my name
on her blog that day
How cool is that!
Let alone passing the award on to me
on to me ..
me ..
I wanted to start writing right then
but I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer
and the excitement of just having my name
on a writers blog
blew me away
what she said about my writing
made me cry
and I know it's just a blog award
not a gold metal or something
but it means the world to me
that my writing means something to someone
other then me
I am touched
and maybe a bit tipsy
I click off my computer
and drift off to sleep
was a wonderful birthday
I wake this morning
have new comments
from new readers
how exciting
and go back to Linda's blog
and I can't dismiss
the fact that her blog was posted
on my birthday
of all days
that day she was on my mind
that she was the subject again right before
I saw the sign
this women who I just know through our blogs
the sign don't stop believing
well maybe she wont agree
maybe she will think I am crazy!
but I really believe
there is a reason
I believe I was to share this
with her above everyone else
So I wanted to take time and write this
and say Thank You Linda for the Award
and I will be posting about it soon
But right now I am off to the beach
with D and our dogs
another one of birthday wishes!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I believe in signs....

Today was my 39 th birthday
while out enjoying my day with D

we where talking about signs in our lives
mostly in my life
he was not doing much talking lol

the subject came up when I was sharing
with him about my blogger friend Linda
recently a blog she wrote
about her Aunt Joyce and her sister Lori
and how I thought it was a sign
that her sister heard their aunts voice
so strong
one more time

we drove to the water having this convo
so we could sit and enjoy the peace that brings to me
something I do when ever I can
it was one of my birthday wishes
my eyes wide open for my sign
for today
and D laughing at me
laughing because
all day I was intent on finding it

we continued to talk about signs as we drove
right after I told him ..

you wait and I will point out today's sign to me!!
and he as usual
kinda laughed it off..
we pulled down a street
and as we came to the end of the street
this is what we see ...

I always find very special ones on my birthday
today's sign was awesome
for me this was one of the best!
and I had a camera to share it with you
and maybe just maybe D is now a believer too
ok maybe not
and maybe others will just dismiss it.

but I am a believer
and maybe it's a sign for someone else too

Happy Birthday to me!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

in need of advice ..really

do you believe if you put something out in the universe
it eventually finds a way to you?
I have always believed this myself
but here I am shocked and bit not sure what to do
I put it out there
Now it's in front of me
and I don't know how to approach it.
a few months back I wrote a blog in response
to another blog.
to read that post go here
in that blog I shared about my birthday when I was 12
recently the friend I shared that birthday with
contacted me through a social site
she added me as a friend
and for two days I sat here looking at the request
unsure what to do
finally I accepted
I waited a few days and didn't get any personal response
to my accepting her as a friend
so I sent a quick message
really nothing more then a hello
a day later she responded with a hello
asking me how I have been
she also brought up that her mother
recently found a picture of us together
sharing our birthdays
I really don't know which year it would have been
possibly the year our birthday
turned into the worst moments of my young life
I really don't know how I should handle this
should I avoid the subject
should I wait and see if she bring it up
would talking about it help heal
or would talking about it just bring back old wounds for her
I don't want to bring any pain into her life
I am sure the hell she probably faced as a child
is something she must rather leave in the past
maybe her contacting me
talking about this picture
is her way to approach the subject
maybe I need to just hang back
and see where our conversations lead
I feel guilt
guilt for not having the strength back then
to tell someone
to save her from the man who was hurting her
whom hurt me
and most likely countless others
over the years I have thought about the man
did he ever get caught
did he ever pay a price for what he did
I am sure he is now long passed
but honestly I don't know
but there is a place in my soul
that want to know
I live today just a few houses away
from where I was abused
the home where it happen is no longer there
another stands in its place
when I moved here
I though a lot about it
trying to search my memories
I know much of it I have blocked out over the years
but often wondered if he was ever punished for what he did
wished I could have remembered a name
something I could search
and find out
I don't really know
it wouldn't change anything
but something within me wants to know
and now maybe I will finally be able to really put it all behind me
but I am scared
I am scared to bring back any pain
for her
I guess time will show me what I need to know
I had often wondered what ever happen to her
she had left our school not long after
by that point our friendship was over
now I have this chance
I don't know how to handle it
got any advice to share
I really need it