Wednesday, June 3, 2009

in need of advice ..really

do you believe if you put something out in the universe
it eventually finds a way to you?
I have always believed this myself
but here I am shocked and bit not sure what to do
I put it out there
Now it's in front of me
and I don't know how to approach it.
a few months back I wrote a blog in response
to another blog.
to read that post go here
in that blog I shared about my birthday when I was 12
recently the friend I shared that birthday with
contacted me through a social site
she added me as a friend
and for two days I sat here looking at the request
unsure what to do
finally I accepted
I waited a few days and didn't get any personal response
to my accepting her as a friend
so I sent a quick message
really nothing more then a hello
a day later she responded with a hello
asking me how I have been
she also brought up that her mother
recently found a picture of us together
sharing our birthdays
I really don't know which year it would have been
possibly the year our birthday
turned into the worst moments of my young life
I really don't know how I should handle this
should I avoid the subject
should I wait and see if she bring it up
would talking about it help heal
or would talking about it just bring back old wounds for her
I don't want to bring any pain into her life
I am sure the hell she probably faced as a child
is something she must rather leave in the past
maybe her contacting me
talking about this picture
is her way to approach the subject
maybe I need to just hang back
and see where our conversations lead
I feel guilt
guilt for not having the strength back then
to tell someone
to save her from the man who was hurting her
whom hurt me
and most likely countless others
over the years I have thought about the man
did he ever get caught
did he ever pay a price for what he did
I am sure he is now long passed
but honestly I don't know
but there is a place in my soul
that want to know
I live today just a few houses away
from where I was abused
the home where it happen is no longer there
another stands in its place
when I moved here
I though a lot about it
trying to search my memories
I know much of it I have blocked out over the years
but often wondered if he was ever punished for what he did
wished I could have remembered a name
something I could search
and find out
I don't really know
it wouldn't change anything
but something within me wants to know
and now maybe I will finally be able to really put it all behind me
but I am scared
I am scared to bring back any pain
for her
I guess time will show me what I need to know
I had often wondered what ever happen to her
she had left our school not long after
by that point our friendship was over
now I have this chance
I don't know how to handle it
got any advice to share
I really need it


ModernMom said...

I wish I could tell you what to do! I hope you can find the answers you need. Hugs.

♥Trina♥ said...

Wow! That's kind of a hard one. Wouldn't it be great if we could look into a crystal ball to find out what we needed to do? Maybe you could approach it by asking which birthday/birthdays in particular the pictures were from and go from there.

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Lorri, I think you're wise to let the Universe guide you to where this leads, if anywhere. Since she originally contacted you, maybe she will eventually bring the subject up. No doubt she's feeling you out at first. See how the renewed relationship unfolds; I bet you'll get a sense of what to do or say. You're a very intuitive person--whatever you do will be perfect.

Lisa Gioia-Acres said...

Ahhh, Lorri, I understand your confict. What you experienced will always be a part of you. Up until the last few years I believed my years of abuse (from ages 9-11) paled in comparison to the other challenges I have faced in my life's history. I was wrong. The abuser will always be on your mind - at the oddest moments, and you want to beat him up for being in your head.

I don't know what advice to give you other than my own experience about putting the truth out there -it will free you. It may, in truth, cause others to disown you, feel anger at your bringing up a past they wish would stay buried, but it doesn't work that way.

Share with your old friend, if you feel it will help YOU. However she accepts it is something you have to risk.

Good luck in whatever decision you make.