Saturday, September 26, 2009

a visit from the past brings questions to myself

Ran into an old friend
one whom was my friend
when I was at my worst
when I was someone
I am not proud of
when I burned my bridges
when I didn't see what was right in front of me
when I thought the grass was greener on the other side
when I thought
I was not worthy of love
when I didn't really understand
what love was
when I was someone else
when I lived a different life

and while I have come so far
in my life
learned lessons
learned to love myself
learned what it really means to love someone
learned never to burn bridges
learned the grass is the same damn color over there
learned I am worthy of Love
learned who I was
learned who I am
learned who I want to be
.....

This old friend -stranger
still looked at me
as if I where her ..
the girl I once was
our conversation
brought everything from my past
back into my today
did she really not see me ?
hear me?
think that I could change?
think I was that same person

...
she did
I could hear it in her voice
I could see it in the way she looked at me

or was it just me?

I posed this question to myself
have I not completely forgiven myself yet?

my inner voice says no
so maybe it was me
maybe I saw in her eyes
what I choose to see
maybe the conversation
went the way it did because
that's the only connection we had
what else would we talk about
maybe if she knew me ..
now
but down deep
I know that I burned that bridge
so long ago
my life took another path
I have turned so many corners since then
I could never find my way back
I am not that person
I am nothing like that person
even though that person ..
was Me ..

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