Friday, October 23, 2009

todays thoughts / yesterdays post

I been thinking about my post yesterday
and how fucked up I sounded to myself
I am angry with myself
beating myself up today
and feeling naked
it might be that when I was about hit post
D had just got home
and he asked me what you doing
I said writing in my blog
he asked what's it about
I said my feelings ..thoughts
he said oh okay..
and was content with that answer
or knew not to dig any deeper
by my short answers..

which now makes me feel like a jerk
I could probably tell him the truth
that I don't really know why
but right now this person is on my mind
somethings maybe happening with him
after all sometimes
I think I confuse my intuition about him
with the feelings about him
I tend to connect that way with some people
it's a gift I do believe
but also a curse
it makes my own emotions hard to figure out
either this is all about my emotions
or it's something happening with him
and unless I get validation from someone
I don't know which it is
so I am left to wonder
then I think about all that, as a write it
and think what must people who read this think
I really don't think I am crazy
I just think I am like everyone else
and trying to figure out my life
I just happen to write it all out
while others work things out internally
or I am just crazy lol
which ever
it's me
this is where my head it at this morning..
but it's time to let it go
intuition or feelings
does not really matter
validation either way
will come
I just have to wait and see ..

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