Monday, April 5, 2010

tired

sometimes I feel like
everything I do
is never enough
I love my family
but the weight placed on me
sometimes becomes to much
I am the one there
day to day
I am the one who takes care of all the little things
and I like being that person
what I could do without
are the remarks made about me
questioning me
the blame when ever somethings
not done
Where is YOUR blame?
why are these things always placed on me?
and why do you assume I have ignored something important
why is that your first thought?
why not give me the benefit of the doubt?
are you ever going to change your opinion of me?
I am tired of always being to blame
why am I your scape goat?
if somethings not done for your parents
shouldn't You be stepping up taking responsibility?
I am fine with the fact
that you all have no use for me now in your lives
over the years your have made me feel I had done something wrong
why was I an important part of your lives when you had a use for me?
and now I am an only child with parents who have another set of kids
I get that the age difference plays a big part in why we have no relationship
and I am so sorry I am not the person I once was to you
I can't change back into someone
I didn't like being anymore
I was good enough all those years to be a part of your children's lives
but not good enough to be invited to their graduations
not called when my niece is hospitalized?
I am okay with not being a part of your lives
we are so different
our lives are so Different
we remember things so different
the way you where raised was different
then the way I was
Your lives surround the families you have made
mine surrounds the one god gave to me
they are all I have
You will have future grand children
in my future
my parents pass away and I have nobody
that's not my choice
but it's what God decided for me
I am tired
and hurt
by the things you say
I do everything I can
but I deserve to have a life too
even if not having kids apparently means I don't have a life
I am suppose to do it all
well I am tired of doing it all
They are your parents too
and if something needs to be done
stop depending on the fact that
I in your mind am suppose to take care of everything
The days that I am responsible for everything
are over ..take your responsibility
face the fact your parents are old and need more help then just I can provide
and I should not have to give up my life
to do everything for them
when if all their children pitched in
nobody would have to give up their lives
but just sacrifice a bit of their time
time ... that later when they are gone
you will cherish
not regret
I am not an only child here
maybe you can remember that when it comes to our parents

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