Wednesday, August 18, 2010

need to vent

While making sure Dad has his part seems to be so so important to you
well sorry but it's not that important to me
you are asked to do one thing ..find a part
yet again its dumped into my lap to do this ..get this ..get that
WTF seriously believe it or not I could care less about his lawn mower
and the truth is when the part does come
who do you think will have to take time out of their lives to fix the tractor needing a part?
we will
Did you know dad took a nasty fall again working on this tractor
Just as he starts to feel better another fall
bending his glasses and hurting his bad hand ...again
It is a battle to keep his CHF under control
it's a battle to keep him on the right track with all of his health issues
I battle to keep him as healthy as possible to keep him out of the hospital
and when he is in the hospital ?? who sits there day after day taking care of everything?
is it you?
NO it's me and if its selfish for me to want to keep him healthy and at home so I can still live my life with helping him as much as I can..
well then I am just a selfish bitch!!
They asked you for one thing
Let me fill you in on what I do ..what we do
every week ..drop by pick up their mail ..bring them anything they need from the store
in between shopping trips which generally take 5 hours to complete if I take them to the market with me
every monday gather and bag up and take out their garbage.

Dad has many doctors to keep him healthy
generally we visit one doctor every week ..
but when he is sick
we have 2 or 3 appointments in a week
every week there is something extra needs to be done
either I or Dave need to go over
for example few weeks ago dad didn't have the strength to get off his mower alone
so Dave went over and helped him off the tractor
this is sometimes a weekly event ..daily .. something always comes up
we need to drop everything and go help them and we do without complaint
Unless he does something he knows he shouldn't be doing
see what he don't get and maybe you don't either
is that when he gets hurt ..who has more to take care of? is it you? NO it's me
We go over and clean when he is feeling bad
because if we don't takes us hours to clean
when he's sick I bring all his laundry home every week and wash it all
I have even brought home all his dirty dishes so I can wash them all and return them
All winter long we do the same thing cause their pipes freeze
and that's just normal everyday needs
lets mention the times that he has mom call cause he wants and needs something
that could be gas for his lawn mower to he needs something from the store
like the trip to port huron to buy a chain saw ...he can't even use..just cause it was on sale
every 3 days we have to make sure to pick up the mail
have to drop off all their bills at the post office on the way home
take care of any banking they need done
run over and plant this or plant that
run over and stop and grab this or that on my way
get phone calls dad don't feel well come by and check on him
and 90 % of the time its something he's done that he shouldn't have done in the first place
but YES I do all these things case I love them
But I also demand that I am allowed to have my own life too
and while what I do with my life and time may not be important sounding to you
when I get a phone call saying your sister wants you to bring dad a copy of this fucking tractor part so she can order it
YOU could have mailed mom and dad a chart ..two days after called them and got the info you needed ..YOU didn't have to depend on me for just another thing
I have enough to deal with ..DON'T YOU THINK?
every day its a battle ..DO U NOT GET THIS?
I know you don't see dad ..have no idea
but he is not the guy he was when you left here
he can barely walk without assistance even with his cane that he uses all the time now
for the last couple months he can't even put on his shoes without help
or get up from a seated position without help
I get to play middle man between mom and dads arguments
I have to talk to dad about the serious things he faces with his health
I have to help calm his worries and answer the same questions over and over
yet he does what he wants cause he is DAD
This summer was spent ..working in their yard their house
making sure he stays healthy ..
and everything in between .
its on me ..
OH yes as you must be thinking I choose this
and YES I do choose to help our parents through all these things
I am lucky and blessed to have the relationship I do with them
BUT you don't seem to have a clue
and frankly I am tired of waiting for you both to get it .
I think I do enough
my whole life is about them
I don't go anywhere without them knowing where I am
I do not travel more then an hour away
so that if there is an emergency I can get back here quickly
YOU are freaking clueless and maybe its time you get a clue
So just do one thing for your parents
if they ask something from you .
just take care of it for them
Don't add more to my to do list..
cause I am doing my part
are you?

so wanted to update this real quick
before I leave to run dad to the hospital
the truth about his fall has come to light
in the last 15 minutes
the fall..
well was not a fall at all
Dad passed out ..harold said for 10 minutes
he was out ..did harold run and get help?
NO he waited to see if dad would come too
and thank God he did
so now I had to get an emergency appointment for him
which I just know will lead to going back to the hospital
spending hours there waiting for answers
this is just what happens every week ..sometimes daily in my life
and yet YOU can't even get him a freaking part on your own

while I am dealing with this now
so have some fucking patients ..
is this guy selling these parts gona close up shop?
I think not ..
it is so not my priority .


Missy said...

You are dealing with a lot. My mother went through the same thing with her parents. She had six siblings, yet it all fell on her. Sometimes I am glad I am an only child...

Lorri_N said...

Thanks Missy
I very much have always felt like an only child and if I was I would be okay with that ..but I am not and it's just not fair how they treat me when they really have no clue what I go through ..

Lorri_N said...

hey Missy do u have facebook???