Thursday, August 19, 2010

todays thoughts

I really don't know
if...I feel anger or pity

I am angry that "some" people honestly believe that...
if you don't have children and never have grand children in your life...
that you really have less of a life ..
that your less stressed or less busy..
then they are
because of the lack of a family ?

I pity them
because this attitude just make them look..
so self absorbed ..that they don't even understand what they truly have..

So to them I say ..
Yes you are right ...

I don't have children
I will never have grand children
I will never know what feeling that fills ones soul and heart ..
when their child says mommy for the first time ..
I will never know what holding your child's hand as they cross the street feels like .
I will never know what pride and love fills ones heart when their child takes their first steps in life a toddler ..a teenager adult
I will never experience with them ..their first day of school ..their first date ...first time driving a car
I will never know the heart ache of their first ouchy
their first tumble of their bike
their first broken heart
I will not ever know what it feels like to make it feel better most of the time..
Just by being Mom
I will never watch my children grow and learn
and explore and achieve and fail
I will never feel the pain and helplessness being a parent can feel like from time to time
I will never watch my daughter make mistakes
I will never be able to help guide her into being a stronger woman
I will never see my son grow into a man
seeing his father in his ways
I will never hold my first grand child just moments after she came into the world
I will never be able to buy my grandchildren all kinds of gifts and spoil them rotten
I will never be able to take time out of my life and watch my grand children so my daughters or sons can go to work without worry that something bad could happen in a daycare
I will never be able to tire myself out running after said grandchildren
I will never laugh and live and love every second of my time with my grandchildren
As I age and become elderly I will never have my great grand children come visit me
I will never have a daughter or a Son take care of me and my needs
I will not have someone I love ... holding my hand when I take my last breath and say good bye to this world
I will not have my family honor me and talk about me for the rest of their lives
I will not have my recipes made every holiday long after I am gone
I will not be someone's angel in heaven, that watches over them their whole life

what's really sad ..
you use these wonderful things as an excuse to treat others as if they are less then you
you should look at all these wonderful moments as the gifts in your life ..
It's what makes all the bullshit in life worth it !!!
but you look at it as a chore ..complaining about it an excuse not to have the time for anyone else . even if that anyone else is your own parents
an excuse to be selfish with your time and effort with anyone else but your made family
You used your time with all of these wonderful things in your life as an excuse
a reason to complain about your sister who has no life because she doesn't have kids ..she will never have grand kids .. and in your mind .. don't have a clue

I have a clue ..
I am well aware of all the things I miss out on in this life
I didn't choose to be childless
But I do have a life ..
I find my inspiration in different places in my life
I find other wonderful things in this life that are gifts to that make all the bullshit worth it
it doesn't make my life any less stressful .does not make my life any less busy.

While I don't get to walk down the same path you have

I have a path of my own and God knew that I was special .
I don't need a child or grandchildren to make me "someone" ..
I don't need children or grandchildren to give me purpose ..
to give me strength I didn't think I have ..
I am strong all on my own and in my spirit

And I know ..God, ...He knew that I would find all those wonderful blessed moments in life in the other places he placed them in...
so he never worried ..even when I did
Maybe just maybe someday you might get that ..
and open your eyes to what I see

Remember if God had a path for you
trust that he had a path for me too
even if its not a path you have ever seen

1 comment:

Missy said...

There is a reason for everything. You were meant for Great things!