Tuesday, February 15, 2011

wounds

A razor tongue leaves wounds that can take forever to heal..
I know because there is someone in my life who has one
I didn't choose this person to be part of my life
they where born to be part of it
every time I do or say something ..
anything ..they don't like
they unleash their razor tongue onto me ..
pointing out every negative thing I have ever done ..
or thought.. I have done in my life.
and while this has always happen.. between us
I still feel blind sided every single time
it still creates wounds that will never ever heal ..between us
maybe not in them..after an unleashing they go right back to everything's fine
but in me these wounds bleed and hurt and don't just go away ..
and there is nothing fine about it
I don't understand someone who says they are so content and happy in their lives
still they have such hate and negativity flow from their lips or even their fingertips
that negativity and rage and hate is so so deep inside them
after all these years
when they look at me ..when they see me
and while I would do anything to wipe it all away if I could
I know it is not in my power to do so
the only power I hold is to avoid the razor
the only power I have is to know my truth
the only power I have is to keep on my path of doing good ..
doing right improving on myself
I know I am not perfect
I know I have made my share of mistakes in my life
I know I will always in some ways handle some things wrong
but I also know that even when I make those mistakes
I make them from a good place in my heart
I do not unleash negativity that I have buried deeply in my core
because it is not there to unleash
I am not perfect..I know this
do I have negative thoughts about people
sometimes
would I unleash those thoughts onto that person
no ..I wouldn't
it's not in me to be cruel
it's not in me to be hateful
it's not in me to make wounds in people souls
in my heart I know those people will see the error's of their ways someday
I know they will grow from the experience they have in life
I do not judge the person on their faults of their past
I do not judge the person on their faults of today
nor will I judge them on their faults in the future
I accept them ..show them love and concern
or they are not a part of my life if I can't do that
in my mind and heart people God has is my life he put there for a reason
it was not to judge them
it was not to abuse them with my words
its to lift them up
build them up
make them feel loved ..even when they don't do right
to try to help them see when they are not doing right
but not by angry words
but by loving and caring words
words from my heart
words that bring tears
words from my experiences
Will I be walked on to keep from speaking my mind when I am done wrong
no ..
I will defend myself
I will express my hurt in what they have said or done
will I hold it against them ..against our relationship ..
no ..
not to these people God placed in my life
I will rebuild ..fix what was broken and embrace them in good or bad
but
with this person
how do I do that?
am I suppose to do that?
do I give up on them
do I protect myself from that razor tongue
by not having them a part of my life on any level?
God I wish I knew what I am suppose to do here with this person
I can't make them see their abuse
how can I let myself continue to be abused by their words of hate
is this really what you wanted from me is to stay and try
to take this abuse ...to take in this hate from them
and when I do ..where am I suppose to put it all
am I suppose to hand it all to you as you have said
I tried God
but then why do I still feel my wounds
God Please help me
please help me understand
give me a sign to what I am suppose to do
do I continue to try
to try to understand this persons pain
or God is it to much for my spirit to take on all by myself
Please God ..show me the way
lead me away from the wounds they are making in my soul
I don't want these wounds
these wounds scare me..God
scare me because I am afraid to be like them
scared to cut people with my words
I never ever wanna be like that
Did life's pain make them like this?
how do I know the pain they create in me wont make me like them
if I continue to allow it in my life
I am here God ..
show me what to do...

and one more thing God ..
please heal their heart ..
please take their pain and hate from their core
God Please heal their wounds
please show them the pain they inflict with their words
In Gods name I Pray

No comments: