Listening to the sounds of rain on the roof
in the distance the sound of the train whistle
the one that passes by every night at this time
I open my lap top and put some words down on the page
it's been a while since I last wrote
been a while since I have felt a connection to myself
that I need to be able to write
or maybe I just needed to find my place again in my world
maybe I needed a break from myself
what ever it was ..
the words are back
the thoughts are back
my heart is healed
I am ready to speak from it again
so here I go ..
I still devote most my time to my parents
I got distracted for a while..
spending more time online then with them
doing mindless things
nothing that required me to think ..or feel
I think I needed a break from the seriousness of my life
needed a break from reality
just to be like everyone else for a while
well other people who don't have to take care of "everything"
maybe there is no such thing as that.
But for a brief time I wanted that
but the guilt ..didn't take long to sit in
the thoughts of what's really important creeps back in
So I am back ..back to my reality
and I feel better now
feel like myself again
being who I am
what I do
makes me feel like a better person
makes me feel I have purpose
so here I am ..
back to my inner thoughts
back to be able to out them down on the page
Life is back on track
Mom and Papa are doing well
Grandma and grandpa Ray are together in heaven
their ashes remain in my china cabinet
not ready yet to part with them
still believe that it was my the most profound experience
so far in my life
knowing ....there is more to come
I worry about my dad ..my Papa
the battle to keep him well ...continues
and it's getting harder everyday
so this is where I am
alone in the dark..
sharing some thoughts
need to get back to this place
remain in this place
even when it's hard to be here ..
so my blog continues ..
stay tuned ..