Friday, July 29, 2011

so..here I am

Listening to the sounds of rain on the roof

in the distance the sound of the train whistle

the one that passes by every night at this time

I open my lap top and put some words down on the page

it's been a while since I last wrote

been a while since I have felt a connection to myself

that I need to be able to write

or maybe I just needed to find my place again in my world

maybe I needed a break from myself

what ever it was ..

the words are back

the thoughts are back

my heart is healed

I am ready to speak from it again

so here I go ..

I still devote most my time to my parents

I got distracted for a while..

spending more time online then with them

doing mindless things

nothing that required me to think ..or feel

I think I needed a break from the seriousness of my life

needed a break from reality

just to be like everyone else for a while

well other people who don't have to take care of "everything"

maybe there is no such thing as that.

But for a brief time I wanted that

but the guilt ..didn't take long to sit in

the thoughts of what's really important creeps back in

So I am back ..back to my reality

and I feel better now

feel like myself again

being who I am

what I do

makes me feel like a better person

makes me feel I have purpose

so here I am ..

back to my inner thoughts

back to be able to out them down on the page

Life is back on track

Mom and Papa are doing well

Grandma and grandpa Ray are together in heaven

their ashes remain in my china cabinet

not ready yet to part with them

soon

still believe that it was my the most profound experience

so far in my life

knowing ....there is more to come

I worry about my dad ..my Papa

the battle to keep him well ...continues

and it's getting harder everyday

so this is where I am

alone in the dark..

sharing some thoughts

need to get back to this place

remain in this place

even when it's hard to be here ..

so my blog continues ..

stay tuned ..

2 comments:

Steve Finnell said...

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Lloyd said...

I really enjoyed reading the posts on your blog. I would like to invite you to come on over to my blog and check it out. God bless, Lloyd